So this life is such an enormous, miraculous big thing, that it seems really like a crime or even blasphemy not to honor it. But how? Always there is the feeling of "I am not worthy", I am not doing the right things in my life, I did something wrong, made wrong decisions or something. Sometimes I can not stand it any more, the feeling of guilt arises more and more and the question: why do I have to bear this? All these thoughts, crap, whats the use of it? When I have to exist, why cant I stand somewhere in a half sunny place with my roots deep down in earth, drinking rain water and do nothing else at all, till some cow comes and chews me down? Why do I have to think all the time? I cannot see any reason but though Im not able to stop it. Either stopping life would be no solution, because thought will be in the way and the feeling of guilt. "You cannot stop this life of yours, just because you are too stupid to find your purpose! It would be such a great failure, that youd be sent back in right away to try once more for a whole lifetime!" Oh my, what a nightmare!